What it means is that they are more willing to be open and vulnerable in relationships because their potential for shame is less. ![]() This doesn’t mean they’ll always get what they want. They’ll ask for help and they’ll be open to the love, affection and influence of others. They’ll be quick to say, ‘I miss you’ (not just in absence but in the growing apart). They’ll be the first to say ‘I love you’. When people believe themselves worthy of connection, they’re more likely to move towards others. People who believed they were worthy of connection experienced greater connectedness. Her research has found that the difference between the two groups was that those who had a strong sense of love and belonging believed they were worthy of it. ![]() She’s looked at those who have a strong sense of connection and belonging and those who don’t. Connected or Not: What makes the difference?īrene Brown PhD is a research professor from the University of Houston and an expert in the field of vulnerability. By shutting down to the risks of being vulnerable, we also shut down to the possibilities – the possibility of joy, intimacy, closeness, gratitude and connection. In this case, we make the decision to not be vulnerable. We shut it down. But we can see this for what it is – a mismatch of people, a redirection, a learning, a happening – or we can take it as a warning and protect ourselves from the possibility of being hurt again. Relationship pain is an unavoidable part of being human. It’s terrifying at times, and brave always. Vulnerability is openness to experiences, people and uncertainty. And here – here’s me.’ It builds trust, closeness and a sense of belonging. Relationships won’t thrive without it. Be careful – they’re precious.’ In return, it invites, ‘Oh, I see you there. Vulnerability is, ‘Here I am – my frayed edges, my secrets, my fears, my affection. Without vulnerability, relationships struggle. When we close it to one, we close it to all. ![]() When we close down our vulnerability we are shielded from hurt, but we are also shielded from love, intimacy and connection. We’ve protected ourselves from vulnerability and disallowed the surrender. We’ve toughened up, hardened up and protected ourselves from being hurt. Vulnerability is the driving force of connection. Yet, we’re seeing more loneliness, more depression, more broken relationships, more disconnection. The drive to connect is in all of us whether we acknowledge it or not. We live in tribes and families, work in groups, love as couples and thrive in friendships. The best part of being human is being able to connect with other humans.
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